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“Just Something From Me”

• April 2009
• Dogs Training Uncategorized

Dear Steph,
I know you get loads of mail from people all over the world, expressing their admiration, support, kinship of you life style, how they’ve been influenced and inspired by your way of thinking. Well, I’ve also been inspired and encouraged by you, although I don’t really know you in person.
So even though this letter may be common or even a cliche, for me it’s very personal. Although I’ve never posted or written anything alike to anyone I don’t know personally before and as much as I’m doing this for myself, I feel it’s necessary for me, to share these emotions with you, since it’s your thoughts and your view on life that helped me change and improve mine. Here’s the story. It’s a bit long (hope, you don’t mind it :-)).

Not so long ago, by a seeming coincidence, I came upon your video of soloing the Diamond, that caused something to stir in me. Firstly I thought: »Oh, a nice video about a girl rocking«, but then I watched it a few more times and every time I re-watched it, I begun realising, it’s not just a climbing vid for me. I understood, as odd as it sounds, that it’s some sort of message I’m suppose to get (and I’m not some weird, »cosmic awareness« freak, but a quite down to earth girlJ). Afterwars I googled your name a bit and that’s how I got to know more on your life and your thoughts.
I hope it does not sound arrogant of me, if I say, I found a lot of myself in you. I also studied literature, persued and than abandoned musical training, I have a thing for animals, especially for mistreated and lost dogs :-).
But more than this casual attributes, I see you as a potential of what I could be.
A potential of a certain mindset that allows you to follow Your path, not minding the uncertainty and risks of it. A potential of immense courage, self integrity, following the dreams kind of thing.

Recently I’ve been struggeling a lot in my life. It seemed everything’s been falling apart: relationships, work, finance, my own interests, but most of all, me alone. The more I tried to change things, rationalize and controll them, the more everything got even worse, leaving me emotionally devestated and lost. I started to loose touch with myself, putting other peoples expectations and dreams ahead of mine.
Uncontrollable feeling of duty, guilt and pressure of not disapointing others took charge of my life. I wanted to change, to please others (very unsuccessfully though), doing common goal striven things that are a foundation of a conventional, rival society. On the inside it felt like I stopped exsisting and soon enough I could not even remember what it was like to know what you want, to see my own course of path or even walk in my own shoes. I suppressed my inner self, cause I thought the weird me will get in a way of where I should be going. Only that by then, I didn’t even know where I should or want to be going. Basically, I was a mess. Now I’m in a process of getting to know myself again, that will hopefully lead to self realization.
Now I understand and accept the little girl in me, that hugged trees, talked with animals, listened to water streams and read tons of literature. Now I know this is a foundation to built on and not some weirdness to burry.
Sadly, I allways lacked self confidence and courage to do things my way. Probably because I also lacked understanding and support from others as a child. In a manner of escaping from unfulfilling studies and work I turned to sports. Sports became my passion, where I could, by some amount, express myself and bond with nature, which has been forever enormously important to me. One of my passions became climbing. Sadly though, I made a mistake of over idealising climbing community, thinking that people who climb are generally the same soul searching people types and nature lovers. Of course I know you can’t generalize like that, but back then, I was looking for acceptance, understanding, support and true friendship. Sadly, many of them turned out to be goal striven, narrow minded ambitionists, that made friends on a basis of convinience and interest. I was very disappointed. And so the disappointments kept growing larger and becoming more frequent in all spheres of life. Soon enough I was disappointed in all presumptions about how life should be. Nothing fitted for me and I didn’t fit anywhere. I know now, that a major part of this unhappiness was a consequence of a great fear of being me, of expressing my inner self. The fear of rejection, the fear of unknown, the fear of unexpected and unconventional. In actuallity, I spent all my life in fear. This fear materialized on so many levels, that it became all present and all consuming. It became a prison and I a prisoner.
Getting to know about you, plus, the right timing, finally allowed me to brake loose. You inspired me to overlook my fear and to find courage to start fighting it. I finally get what it means to be a strong person, even though I’m just starting to be one. Now I know what I want, I accept who I am and look forward to discovering who I can be, exploring my path and all the potentials of it. I wanna thank you for your input in my growth and in re-establishing faith in myself.
Thanks and keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Lenka from Slovenia.
P.S. I hope my english wasn’t too bad to understand.

Dear Lenka,
Your English is great, and it is really kind of you to share your story with me.
It’s funny, because the same kind of serendity has happened to me many times,
coming across certain books at pivotal moments, and finding a lot of comfort and direction from them..
I’m really glad to think of you on the path to freedom and fearlessness….
xxSteph