Love You
Hello Steph Davis,
Like everyone else that writes you, I am a huge fan of your climbing, jumping, writing (anxiously awaiting your new book), but I am also really inspired by your vegan lifestyle. My fiance and I are vegans, but lately I haven’t been as diligent as I’d like to be. The same can be said about my climbing, mountain biking, hiking, etc. I’m 28 years old, weigh a little over 200 lbs (way too heavy for my height of 5′ 9″) and am desperately trying to lose that weight so that I can climb better, ride better, and flat out feel better. However, lately I’ve been irreconcilably discouraged, which is why I am writing you. I can’t seem to get my passions and my ambitions to align. I’ve been climbing for almost two years and it’s easily my favorite activity in the world, with mountain biking coming in at a close second (I just started riding last month). I was never inclined to play sports as a kid, so I was much more apt to sit around eating pizza while playing video games (an attribute that, embarrassingly followed me into adulthood), but when my fiance and I discovered rock climbing that all changed. We lost weight, gained muscle, quit smoking, vigilantly maintained a vegan lifestyle, and I drastically cut back on my drinking. It was great. However, now, almost two years later, I’m feeling tired, emotionally and mentally tired. I get incredibly discouraged when I’m at the gym and I see a beefy high school boy walk in for his first time climbing and proceed to muscle up/flash some v4 that’s been haunting me for days. It seems like this is a daily occurrence. Now, I know that’s it not about the grades and I’m not in competition with anyone else, only my former self, but I can’t help to feel like I am forever going to be stunted, which can lead to overwhelmingly discouraging thoughts. I’ll tell you an embarrassing secret– I want to be a professional rock climber. I don’t want to be in magazines or anything like that and seeing as how I’m a bit of a misanthropist, I have no desire to compete. I just want to make climbing a self-sustaining lifestyle. My fiance would love that too. BUT I never voice this dream because it seems unattainable. If I told people at my gym about my dream they’d laugh. I once asked the manager why he doesn’t let me set some lower level problems and routes. His response, said through a huge grin, was “well you need be good at climbing first.” Point being that this negativity seems to have infiltrated my brain and I can’t shake it. I used to be able to shirk the rude comments, but not lately. I know my dream is stupid by most people’s standards, but I believe in dreaming big…until lately. It’s starting to seem futile. So, my question to you is this: how to do you maintain a positive mindset in the face of overwhelming negativity? This world laughs at vegans and people who tempt fate via dangerous activities, yet you seem to do both with ease. So what keeps you going strong? I don’t doubt that you’ve had moments of wavering dedication to your lifestyle (it’s only human), but what keeps you from just saying “screw it” and walking away? I took about two months off from everything from November through December, thinking that would help, but honestly, I think it only made things worse. I just can’t seem to get back into the positive mindset no matter how badly I want it. Anyway, I know you’re a busy woman and I apologize if this sounds more like a diary entry than an e-mail, but I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this. If you have the time, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again.
Matthew
Dear Matthew,
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry about the discouragement 🙁 Climbing is a funny sport–it takes equal parts determination, passion and physicality. It’s also easy to get caught up in comparisons with what others can do, and that seems like a part of human nature and our social values. Just remember to love you and what you do. If you can keep the beginner’s mind–the sheer, “wow, I can’t believe I get to do this!”, then you will not be touched by feelings of doubt, negativity or disappointment. The fact is, you can do anything you want. You just have to start doing it, and then keep doing it. It sounds too simple, but that is really how things work. Anything you want to change or do, you can. When you’re feeling doubt, just keep plugging away at what you want to do: eventually everything becomes different, always. Small changes add up to big ones: I think that is the real secret to happiness.
🙂 Steph
Hi Matthew,
May I first say that I’m sorry that your gym smirkingly told you that “well you need to be good at climbing first”. That’s sad. I will say that my gym workers and gym goers have always been supportive. I’m blessed. I understand what you mean about the high school kid coming in and flashing up your V4. 29 year olds standing 5’9″ do that all the time to me. I’m approaching 50, weigh 180 lbs and I’m female, standing 5’4″. Lately, it’s been hard for me to go to the gym because I’m really noticing that I weigh 180 lbs. (A year and a half ago, I was 135 lbs, so this totally sucks!) I’m becoming self-conscious and allowing it space in my head. That’s self-defeating. Instead, I should be going to the gym and doing what I always do, try to solve problems. I can’t do them the way you can, because I’m not 5’9″. I have a short reach. The routes might be set by people taller than me. They’re called problems because they need to be solved. How I solve them is different from how others solve them. Basically, we bring ourselves to the table, to the route, to the cave, to the crag. Who we are defines how we solve the problem. There will always be people better or worse than you. If you allow that to matter, it’s just your ego getting in the way of your learning. Kick it out. Hard. Read “The Rock Warrior’s Way” if you want mental training for your climbing. At 28, you have your whole life ahead of you. The climbers that started out at 10 might be better than you or they might burn out before you even peak. Keep on keeping on. On a practical note, if you’re riding a bike, consider all the uphills as cross-training for climbing. Work on balance, work on abs. Try and keep it fresh, maybe take up slack-lining. And if you’re totally tired, take a one or two week break. Studies show that you’ll climb better. Or take a climbing destination holiday. Get outdoors, you and your fiancee. Join a guided group and just experience the purity of the outdoor climbing extravaganza!!
If the high school kid demoralizes you, look around for the older climber and offer him or her some kind words of support, because that’s the essence of climbing to me. You help others grow, because climbing is your life. It’s what I’ve experienced from the generous souls I’ve met through climbing. Good luck and climb on, Matthew!!
Hi Matthew,
In some ways I think that your experiences can certainly speak towards mine. It’s really natural to slip into a negative slippery slope, and I feel empathy for your circumstances. One thing that I find helpful in times of self doubt, however, is to focus on internalizing self-control when climbing. That is, while it is great to be social and learn from other climbers, focusing on honing in to your experience with physical and mental control (almost if partially pretending that you’re the only one in the gym) lends itself to renewing that feeling of self-confidence and passion–whether climbing the easiest V1 or the hardest Vwhatever. I’ve found that sometimes in this approach takes my attention off of other climbers and allows me to focus on reconnecting with the roots of my climbing passion. Either way, I hope you the best!
I think these lows are fairly natural. We who are really passionate about climbing experience such great highs from climbing that when we are not climbing we hit extreme lows. I can imagine its much like a heroin addiction though far awsomer. I am not sure what grade you are climbing but you obviously have huge goals! Which is awsome by the way. I always tell people to to strive to lead 5.10 sport when they start out. This is a grade that we can all achieve quite quickly even with a few extra pounds but it opens up a world of opportunity. Also, dont thrash too much on routes way above your ability. If you dont have the technique yet you are very likely to get injured from pulling too hard too often.
I have never replied to anything like this but your story sounds so much like mine i couldnt help. Try reading “the power of now”. It gives you some interesting insight into the way hour mind works and may provide some keys to positive thinking.
Good luck, Sorry for rambling
Oh Steph. That was such a heart felt letter someone wrote you and you simply respond back with a short, generic paragraph reply?
U are a very inspiring person, and a role model to many – and I am suprised that is all the advice you can think to give to such a sincere letter to you.
PPl will allways discourage you if you let them to do it. There is only one way “s..w it” and just do your passion – just climb, and the results will come. The recognition will also come. PPl talk a lot of stupid things, and usually they forget it fast. And there are many, many who never realised their dreams and instead – try to kill other ppl dreams – by telling rude words.
Just “shut your ears” and do it.
you are all lovely…thanks for adding these thoughts 🙂
Matthew, maybe try to find a local climbing group and meet up with them. Nothing better to recharge the soul than the positive vibes of people who love the same things you do.
Peace,
Mike
Hi Matthew
I would like to say that I understand where you are coming from and it is great that you have changed your lifestyle to better yourself and improve your life. It sounds like you have plateau’d in your life and all I can suggest is to not be negative about yourself and your ability. You set your limits on what your mind and body can do. I have a love/hate relationship with climbing gyms because it shows my lack of ability/skill when comparing to others, and it took me a good long while to stop comparing myself to every athlete. I hated that I was getting myself down and feeling inadequate so I stopped doing it. I only compete with myself and trying harder routes and seeing how much farther I can get to the ones I can’t complete or practising on the same route so the moves become more fluid. The other thing I did was get outside on real rock more. For me trad climbing offers freedom from life except on where to place my next gear placement and move up the cliff. I recommend that you get out into the rock and just have fun. Climbing is really all about the rock and the freedom 🙂
I wish you happy rock climbing and peace.
thanks Mike 🙂
very nicely put, thank you for writing 🙂
Thanks I just felt like I needed to comment. I love your website and you inspire me to be a better climber, person and vegan. It is very much appreciated.
Thanks again