Frustration, Climbing and Relationships
- April 2010
- Hi Steph Simple Living Climb
Steph:
First, thanks very much for your blog, it’s a joy to read. You are such an inspiration, especially as I’m working out what to do with my life, how to balance work/life, etc.
With regards to the Frustation post in general, I found one line especially hitting close to home for me: “One thing about climbing is that it’s often a magnifying glass for things you are experiencing in your life.” Virtually all the time, either on the rock or at the rock gym, I am able to detach from the rest of my life – I’m fully at peace, it’s my moment of zen (with apologies to Jon Stewart!).
Recently, I had a relationship end (of close to 2 years). We met through climbing, in fact. But we were not good climbing partners, in my opinion, as we weren’t able to communicate effectively (praise, guidance, etc.) with the other person. And yet she wanted to climb with me all the time – I didn’t, seeing our problems were making climbing less fun for me. And the fact that I felt like I was letting her down if we didn’t always climb together (we talked about this and resolved it) would put a damper on even setting up any climbing trips. Eventually, we pulled away from climbing together, and later than that, pulled away from the relationship entirely.
This is really a long winded way of saying that while before I would have disagreed about your comment regarding the magnifying glass, I wholeheartedly agree now. Climbing is one of those activities that can expose flaws and cracks in a relationship, and hopefully we are smart enough to see and fix them before they attack the foundation. And some romantic partners climb well together, and some should never be on opposite ends of the same rope!
Best,
Brian
Dear Brian,
Thanks for this honest and enlightening story. It’s especially interesting to me, because I have heard the feelings of many girls on the other end of the rope in a similar story, so it’s really nice to hear your perspective.
I guess the good thing about living through a rough relationship is that it shows you what does work for you and it also makes you so much more appreciative when you do find yourself in the right relationship with the right person. I’m sure that you and your ex are going to be happier in the future, and better for the experience of trying so hard together, though it wasn’t easy.
Thanks again for writing,
🙂 Steph
It’s similar to the saying “never work with your spouse” – sometimes people just need to do their thing… alone. Doesn’t mean you don’t love the person, we all just need some personal time, and for Brian that time was on the rock.
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Hmm…there’s always something to relate to on this blog!
Thankyou Steph, for the blog, and also for your book. It is a very calming read. And you do Iyengar yoga!!! Lovely balancing poses…my favourite has to be the Tree… I have a few minutes before I go for my evening jog…can I mention my story?
First of all, I think climbing is amazing therapy; I wish I could climb every day (even though, shame on me, I don’t even lead climb properly yet!!!). But being in the mountains, touching rock, just does something to me. It’s like falling in love – a very exclusive relationship. Do I sound crazy??
I don’t know why I wanted to rock climb, but a few years back I was in a car accident and, it was pretty tough; I worked hard to recover, it smashed me up a bit and my life, too and – I just knew I wanted to do it.
But years passed before I finally met someone who agreed to take me. I remember standing in front of a wall of rock and thinking ‘no way’. Well, I went up, carried on, and even fell in love with that guy, and we carried on climbing, with him leading, me following like an obedient hound…
Unfortunately our relationship ‘soon’ hit rocky ground; I discovered he had a military style temper and a very short fuse and our climbs, as well as the time we spent together, became very tense; I was so unhappy; I started training with my bro at the local climbing wall and he was jealous of he time I spent away from him, etc. etc.
Well, to cut a lot of angst short, I knew I had to let go – so I let go of him.I think climbing helped me there, because, silly and simple as it sounds, it’s taught me that you need to know when to let go, and when to hold on.
One more thing – I bought my first gri-gri today – wow – do you have any tips for a shy climber who would love to spread her climbing wings but isn’t sure that she’s good enough?
thanks!!!
Don’t be shy…just pretend you are a dog, and go out and make friends.
🙂 Steph
Hi Steph, I had to tell you…it took awhile to be free of him but I finally just got out there…and started leading….because there was noone to do it for me! It was WONDERFUL.
I’ve signed up for a course too so I can learn the cool safety techniques I’ll need to stay longer on the rock. Oh,and i have climbing partners too 😀 though i wish i could spend most of my time out there…
Dog Trivia Postscript: given your passion for dogs I dedicate to you a song by Scott Henderson called Hillbilly, if you’ve never heard of scott – guitarist who loves dogs and did a doggy album,and i think hillblly is a dog – great song; also check out book by friend of a friend http://www.menaredogsbook.com/ very true!!!
I have never done ice climbe so I am curious to do it.Good to know about the ice of Hyalite Canyon.It is more interesting to read about Genesis.I think I should read a climbing guide.