Freedom and Happiness
- July 2009
- Simple Living
Hi Steph,
I’ve just finished watching your video “Castleton and Diamond free solo”
Marvellous!
I love what you said about independence, loneliness and freedom.
The last sentence made me think:
I thought in the past: “Things are so good that I’m afraid they might go away”,
but now time is passing and I actually see that it’s ok for things to go away
…and I’m even more free.
Really fascinating, but is it the truth?
How can you not regret about good things going away?
Is it actually the way you always feel? or is that just an ultimate target that you’re trying to achieve?
You seem to have found the way for a peaceful and harmonic life… I long for the same feeling.
Is all that coming from climbing?
Please, tell me your secret.
L.
Dear L,
I think nonattachment is the hardest thing, and practicing it is a lifelong endeavour. It truly is a practice, which is to say, sometimes you do better with it than others, but you always try. For myself, the thing I value most in life is freedom, and happiness. This is what it always comes back to, and this value directs all of my decisions and actions. Not everyone has the same ultimate value, but I think everyone can reflect and discover what it is. When this is clear, things become much easier to understand in life.
There is a Rumi poem I really like, translated by Coleman Barks. It is one of a series about King Solomon (who represents luminous divine wisdom) and the Queen of Sheba (who represents the bodily soul). In the poem before this one, Sheba sends 40 mules loaded with gold bricks as gifts for Solomon, as part of a ritual of respect before she will come to join him herself. As the messengers travel to his kingdom, they walk on a surface of pure gold for 40 days, making her gift ludicrous. In Solomon’s kingdom, the most priceless material gifts from Sheba are essentially dirt.
Solomon to Sheba
Solomon says to the messengers from Sheba,
“I send you back as messengers to her.
Tell her this refusal of her gift
of gold is better than acceptance,
because with it she can learn what we value.
She loves her throne, but actually it keeps
her from passing through the doorway
that leads to a true majesty.
tell her, one surrendering bow is sweeter
than a hundred empires, is itself a kingdom.
Be dizzy and wandering like Ibrahim,
who suddenly left everything.
In a narrow well things look backward
from how they are. Stones and metal objects
seem treasure, as broken pottery does
to children pretending to buy and sell.
Tell her, Joseph sat in such a well,
then reached to take the rope that rose
to a new understanding. The alchemy
of a changing life is the only truth.”
Finally, Sheba travels to Solomon and takes only her throne with her, the one material attachment she can’t let go of. She has reached a level of nonattachment where she has happily let go of everything else from her past, her kingdom and her wealth, but her filigreed throne is too precious to her to leave, though it is is heavy and awkward to carry.
Solomon says, “Let her bring it. It will become a lesson to her like the old shoes and jacket are to Ayaz. She can look at that throne and see how far she’s come.”
Inspiring questions, comment and poems… I was reminded of the Sufi story of “This too shall pass”, which for many is hard to understand/apply to the things we call “good” in our life – which is why the comment that “L.” cited from your video was hard for him/her to understand. It shows how much of your “kingdom” you are ready to leave behind. Is your freedom your throne, though? 😉 and all the best,
kai
Steph,
Uniquely philosophical. After having watched the Youtube version of your solo on Castleton and the Diamond over-and-over for nearly an hour I tried to discover what it would be like to take life to that level in my mind by closing my eyes and envisioning what you were actually experiencing. You said that it is to be “so in control”, almost if it’s fundamentally a priori. Your narration felt true, simple, but strikingly profound. I’m a climber too, though to not the degree that you are and I am not free soloing currently (but have in the past). However, I have had moments where I’ve felt so deeply in control while climbing and at one with the rock, the surrounding environment, and my inner-self (all at the same time) -concentrated, at peace, all by myself and far from others. It feels so good to me, and I don’t want to ever give it up. Maybe I’ll return to Moab sometime soon to climb in the shadows of the red rock and Manti La Sals. Gorgeous land.
I simply want to say that your passion for life is truly an inspiration for us all. Thank you for sharing your love of life, spirituality, and grace.
-Matthew